I saw the premiere of Mulaney months ago.
I’m seeing the mediocre reviews from every outlet.
I’m seeing Fox’s desperate marketing of the show, plastering every bus and billboard in LA.
And yet I will watch every episode and I will love every episode until the day it gets cancelled.
Because Mulaney is forever my #1 comedy boyfriend and anybody who has anything bad to say about him or about the show can go to the left and die there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But also: remember how bad The Mindy Project used to be? Remember how it’s only juuust getting better in its third season? Fox gave that show like one million lifelines — the network famous for both a) terrible programming and b) cancelling its good programming. I’m sure they trust in Mulaney as they must trust Kaling. I’M SURE OF IT!
Also, NBC can go kick rocks for passing on Mulaney and for giving the OK on, like, The Mysteries of Laura, and Bad Judge, and A to Z, and whatever other garbage. Go kick rocks at the edge of a canyon and then misjudge the distance between foot and rock and overbalance and fall into said canyon.
I didn’t get that job I was waiting FOREVER on.
They also CALLED to deliver the bad news. Who the literal eff calls with bad news? Are these people sadists?
They said they’d keep my CV on file for that department but like, lol. OK. That’s what all the girls say.
There was a cockroach
in the bathroom
while I was peeing.
My FEET were BARE.
Bye to earth.
I was held captive by my own need to pee.
I very nearly tested the strength of mine and Ryan’s relationship by asking him to come kill it while I was peeing.
Instead, I stared at it, tracking its DISGUSTING movements so that Ryan could kill it once I finished.
I was telling a friend in LA about that huge fucking dead cockroach from the other day, and she sympathized, telling me that her time in New York scarred her to the point that she starts whenever she sees something move out of the corner of her eye.
Instead, she told me, it’s usually just sunlight moving across the floor.
At that moment I wished she was here so that I could slap her in her face.
and they never e-mailed me.
They told me on Monday that I’d hear by Friday, so I’ve been spending this week in agony as I await a possibly life-changing opportunity.
All to not hear back on Friday.
That is honestly the cruelest thing to do, as an HR rep. You’re dealing with people’s lives, here! Even if I didn’t get the job, can you at least tell me? Please? Or at least tell me that you’re still considering?
about a found dead cockroach?
What if it’s longer than an inch?
I’M GONNA BURN THIS CITY TO THE GROUND. I CAN’T DEAL. MY APARTMENT IS CLEAN. I LIVE IN A WELL-MAINTAINED BUILDING. WHAT IS HAPPENING? WHY COCKROACHES IN PERFECTLY CLEAN SPACES? THIS CITY IS MY BIGGEST NIGHTMARE!!!!
Ryan asked me what I was gonna do with the dead bug and the answer is obviously NOTHING because what if it CRUNCHES when I pick it up?!
I AM HYSTERICAL!!!!!!!!!!
and it sucks. I hate the gym. I hate exercise. I chipped my fabulous nail polish on the rowing machine. The gym is for the goddamn birds.
How does concentrated, purposeful exercise become something that isn’t the most garbage, boring waste of time on the PLANET that also forces me to carefully plan my shower schedule? Anyone?
i bought this bonsai tree growing kit for three dollars and i know nothing will probably grow, but who could beat that price, right? after i soak the seed pod for 24 hours i have to keep it in the fridge for three months to trick it into thinking winter has passed. it’s probably the biggest prank i’ll ever pull on a seed. like psych, buddy, you thought winter was over? that was the god damn crisper drawer oh shiiit.